Pages

Saturday, April 17, 2010

Not Invited


I was unusually early to pick Elizabeth up from school the other day and while waiting for her a boy in her class was handing invitations to his birthday party. I saw all the kids eagerly waiting for their invitation as the boy handed one to each classmate except for Elizabeth and her fiancée (she is betrothed to a little boy in her class). I would have thought it was fine had it not been that the only 2 children who were not invited were the children who have a disability (Elizabeth's fiancée also has a physical disability) it was pretty obvious why they were not invited. My heart broke for them as their eager faces turned to a look of why not me. They are young right now and will not remember this incident but this will happen so many times in thier lives and it breaks my heart that they are going to feel rejected and left out. It is a shame that parents are so busy to not even notice how each morning Elizabeth greets her classmates and how hard she tries to keep up with the others. I guess as parents we need to teach our children to be resilient at times like this because some people are too involved in their own lives of ignorance to see how hard our kids try to succeed. They are the ones missing out because our kids are amazing little souls who have so much to give and to teach.

11 comments:

caryanne said...

This is what I dread as Ben gets older. It sucks. It really sucks.

Candace said...

Crap! What a bunch of it! Poor Elizabeth! How ridiculous.

Kristine said...

I'm so sorry your amazing little girl was left out. There are so many parents who are totally unaware of life outside of their little bubble.

I'm also dreading this kind of thing with Katie. It'll break me heart too. It breaks now just thinking of it. I wish we could protect them from this crap forever.

Sherry C said...

that hurts :( . I'm hoping to have a end of year party for Ashley's class to help her make and keep friends. Her friends often ask to come over and play with Ashley but it's hard to mange with 4 kids so I haven't done anything yet... but I hear them talking about their birthday parties and Ashley hasn't been invited either. I felt sad for her too.

She is going to her first pricness party at a neighbours party May 1st. I can't wait.

Anonymous said...

This is not only heart-breaking, it's wrong. I would encourage you to mention it to the teacher. Most schools, at least where I live, have policies that invitations to outside parties cannot be distributed in school. Second, children must invite either less than half the class or else every single child in it (or all children of a gender--which I actually have a problem with but will not go into it here!) It is wrong for a handful of children to be excluded for any reason, even more wrong when those excluded happen to have a disability. Would it be ok to invite all but the kids of color? All but those of a particular religion? Of course not. What went on here is surely more ignorance/insensitivity than prejudice, but it sounds like the parents (and teachers?) in this school need to be educated so that the children can be educated too. Unfortunately, it falls to affected parents to do that educating... I say all this as a parent of two non-disabled kids. This is about basic decency and teaching children that basic decency.

Anonymous said...

Anonymous again. I just reread my post and hope it didn't sound judgmental! It just made me angry reading about your daughter's experience. Best wishes to you and her. I hope you can educate those around you, but no doubt having to be the educator is a really draining job...

Anonymous said...

Wow, that is horrible. I know at my daughters school. YOu either have to invite girl only, boys only, or the whole class. That way no one is really left out. You might mention to the principal that this happened. As a teacher myself, we don't always notice this is going on. Good luck and I hope there won't be many more cases of this!

Ruth said...

I agree with Anonymous - I'd mention it to the teacher. The class as a whole need some educating about this issue, so the kids can take it home to their parents. As Anon also said, would the school let the only children be left out if they were a different colour skin? No chance, so why is it 'ok' for them to be left out due to impairment? It's not. I'm so sad for Elizabeth and her friend, I hope others in the class realise what good friends they are, for who they are.

twinmama said...

Ditto ditto ditto what Anonymous said, that was what I was thinking exactly, like not only is it not nice, but at that age, they should have policies in place so that kind of thing does not happen and teachers should be more on top of it. I hope you can get a chance to speak with them about it (but sorry you have to do it at all...once again we parents have to do so much of the educating/advocacy and it gets tiring) and also hope that the teachers are better equipped to find ways to incorporate Elizabeth and her peer more so that they are not singled out in such a cruel way. Hugs to you.

Kara Melissa said...

This story really breaks my heart. I know when I have taught, some teachers (including myself) do not allow students to hand our invites at school unless all children in the class are invited. It's also sad the parents of the child would think inviting all but two is ok. :(

The Fluck Family said...

i'm not looking forward to that day for our dear rachel. :( i'm so sorry your girl went through it.