Friday, April 25, 2008
What I fear most
Elizabeth has the most amazing personality, when she was in NICU I always asked what the personality of a preemie would be like. I was afraid she would be mistrusting and a nervous child after being subjected to so many painful procedures and from being left on her own in her isolette. Elizabeth has such a happy disposition she sings constantly and always is so happy. Today at 6:15 I awoke to 'Momma it is a beoootiful day the birds are singing good morning to me'. I told her it may rain today and she said 'no it is a beoootiful day today Mama'. Later on in the day I decided in my madness that we should practice drawing in shaving cream, Elizabeth loved this activity as she loves to get her hands dirty/messy and seeing that she had just barfed (fell down the stairs and cried) she would be clear to work with an activity that does not taste good. After we were done we went to the sink to clean up and Elizabeth was not listening and got in trouble and sent to time out which she told me 'thanks' for putting her on time out, she sang happily on time out and thanked me when I said she could get up. Both Ivan and I have a hard disciplining her as she does not mind time out she sings happily on the step and we try so hard to be stern but when she is smiling and singing you cannot help but laugh. We often have to leave the room to stop laughing and will come back when we have a straight face. We are so thankful for her disposition she makes the hard days fun we are also so thankful that she does not have temper tantrums as we would never stop cleaning up barf (crying still = vomiting). I do also fear that over time her personality will change and that there will be a time that she will not be so happy and carefree. Recent posts by Kathryn, Jackie and Dave mention bullying and this is something I fear so much for Elizabeth. I know there will be a day when Elizabeth comes home crying because someone has made fun of her because she is different and my heart is going to break in a million pieces because I cannot protect her forever and the reality is that ignorance and cruelty still exist. We can raise her with praise and love and hope to instill as much confidence in her as we can but when she is made fun of because of her differences these things will not matter it will be the harsh words of a bully that will be etched in her brain. My biggest hope is that she will always have her easy going personality and that no one will ever take it away.